youre lurking in front of me
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
