arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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