I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
