you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
