I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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