New low: just hacked my moms facebook
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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