Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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