I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
