I hate all girls vehemently.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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