i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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