On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
birth control should be required to get into college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
