Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
