I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
