Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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