So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
