Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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