I am spending my child support on dildos
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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