Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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