How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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