drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
