She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So many bounce houses so little time
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
