Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
