Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
