Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
