oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
