If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
