when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
