i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
