I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
