thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
