My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
