??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
