At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
