i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I enjoy the company of your penis
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
