I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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