just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
