oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
