i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
