Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
