just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
