You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
