The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
