I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is the high leading the old right now
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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