All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
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