So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
