It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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