my room smells like sperm. sweet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
