winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
