8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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