remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
