dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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