Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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